Tuesday, March 26, 2013

All Things


1Cor 9:19  For though I am free from all, yet I have made myself servant to all, so that I might gain the more.
1Cor 9:20  And to the Jews I became as a Jew, so that I might gain the Jews. To those who are under the Law, I became as under the Law, so that I might gain those who are under the Law.
1Cor 9:21  To those who are outside Law, I became as outside Law (not being outside law to God, but under the Law to Christ), so that I might gain those who are outside Law.
1Cor 9:22  To the weak I became as the weak, so that I might gain the weak. I am made all things to all men, so that I might by all means save some.
1Co 9:23  And this I do for the sake of the gospel, so that I might be partaker of it with you.

The bible study is growing. It quickly went from twelve to sixteen even though a couple of people moved out the building. I have always been an introvert, shy, quiet and a loner. My sisters and brothers understand this about me. Not the people in the building. I had so many calls and knocks on my door today. It's not that I don't love them, I'm just not used so much company. I don't own a television or anything that could distract from my social awkwardness. I offer all I have, a snack, a cold drink and Jesus. Lots of Jesus.

I have somehow turned into a mediator, confidant, problem solver, the one who rebukes and chastises, a mother, an up-lifter, spiritual leader, and a friend of the sinner. It's happening so fast. Yet I realize it not I, but Christ that lives in me. I just wanted time alone with Jesus today. He wanted me too. He always wants me. He said, "Don't try to answer every call or you will get weary, teach them to depend on Me." It's Him they want. It's always Him we want, even when we don't know it. I'm not upset that they come to me looking for Him. I want to share Him. I want them to know the love that fills me to overflowing. I want them to taste an see. May be then they will understand my need to be alone with Him.

The come to me, the lame, elderly and mentally handicap, they come to me on oxygen or reeking of stale alcohol and cigarettes. I hug, I rebuke, I offer a cold drink, a snack, Jesus and love.

Fearless

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Driving Out the Mocker


Pro 22:10  Drive out a mocker, and conflict will leave. Quarreling and abuse will stop.

My biggest critic came back to the bible study. It has been so peaceful without her. Everyone shares and participates. To be honest it has been joyful, everyone has been so sweet and respectful to one another. The glory of the Lord has rested over us. Then the self proclaimed devil's advocate showed up after a month. I felt a heaviness over the meeting, the people that usually laugh and share the most were quiet or half sharing. I could tell they did feel safe enough to openly share their struggles. These are people who normally over share.

I have been really distracted, slack in prayer and study. In others words I have been the disciple without discipline. I have however master several games on Facebook. I have grieved the Holy Spirit, how I know is I feel it in my belly. I told Abba that I know he wants my time and attention, but I didn't feel like praying. Prayer seemed impossible or tedious to me. I sometimes wonder why it's not a puff of smoke were I used to be. His grace really is without merit, and His love is endless. He told me the more of my real self I give Him the more of Himself He will give me. I get afraid that He going to get me for sure for some o the things I've told Him. Those our the times he sets me free from my bondage to sin. He's faithfully even when I'm not. That makes me love Him even more.

Okay, back to the mocker, even though I have been totally out of order I didn't want anymore chaos or opposition in the bible study. So I was searching through YouTube one day and I see this scripture that I hadn't thought about in years, so I wanted to hear what the YouTuber had to say, well she spoke on casing out or not dealing with the mocker. However it wasn't for a bible study, it was just in general, mostly saying don't allow anyone to abuse you. I thought to myself, "Yeah, she has verbally abused me I can cast her out, because it's in the word of God". I called my mama so I could run it by her. She told me I can't do that. I had to sit on my hands so I wouldn't hang up on her. I'm a respectful daughter so I listened to her. I gave her my best argument of why I should, I quoted the scripture, but she refused to listen.

I prayed, I mean really prayed. I prayed because I needed to. I prayed because I had to, but finally as I prayed it turned into because I want to. I realized that there is another proverb that would best describe the self proclaimed devil's advocate in my life. Proverb 27:17 As iron sharpens iron so does one person sharpen another. I actually need her in the bible study mainly because without her I didn't give them my best. And worse then that, I didn't give Abba my best. I know my best is always found on my knees with tears and supplication.

I thought I had escaped any backlash from her between bible studies. HA! She got me after the resident council meeting. First she told me she didn't like the fact that everyone was talking in the bible study, especially since I have such a hard time explaining the scripture. I didn't let her know that I had gotten a few complaints against her. I just looked her in the eyes and said, you know God can heal you of your breathing problem. She looked shocked and I walked away wondering if I chose the right proverb.

Fearless