Faithfulness for Much Afraid

1 Thessalonians 5:23-24World English Bible (WEB)

23 May the God of peace himself sanctify you completely. May your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

24 He who calls you is faithful, who will also do it.

I am in awe of Abba. I have been reflecting on my journey so far. I see me as the character Much-Afraid in the book Hinds Feet on High Places. I don't always understand what Abba is doing. Sometimes I have to look back before I have the least bit of understanding. I wish I could say, "I got this." A lot f the times I feel as if I got tricked. He's so much wiser than I am.

In the book, Much-Afraid is talking to the Shepherd. He showed her a seed that looked like a thorn and asked to put it in her heart. And of course, true to her name Much-Afraid feared it would hurt. Here is the discourse between the two of them from the book.

“She bent forward to look, then gave a startled little cry and drew back. There was indeed a seed lying in the palm of his hand, but it was shaped exactly like a long, sharply-pointed thorn… ‘The seed looks very sharp,’ she said shrinkingly. ’Won’t it hurt if you put it into my heart?’

He answered gently, ‘It is so sharp that it slips in very quickly. But, Much-Afraid, I have already warned you that Love and Pain go together, for a time at least. If you would know Love, you must know pain too.’

Much-Afraid looked at the thorn and shrank from it. Then she looked at the Shepherd’s face and repeated his words to herself. ’When the seed of Love in your heart is ready to bloom, you will be loved in return,’ and a strange new courage entered her. She suddenly stepped forward, bared her heart, and said, ‘Please plant the seed here in my heart.’

His face lit up with a glad smile and he said with a note of joy in his voice, ‘Now you will be able to go with me to the High Places and be a citizen in the Kingdom of my Father"

For some love walked out on them, for me, love bled to death in my arms. I became Much-Afraid on a day that would have appeared beautiful in a romance novel. It was an early summer day. There were a gentle breeze and the one I loved also loved me. Nothing prepared me for his death. Yes, that's the day unbeknown to me that  I took on the moniker, Much-Afraid.

Abba know, he told me about the seed. I refuse to even consider planting that seed in my heart. I begged Him to spare me anymore heartache. I assured Him I would be just fine without it as long as I have Him. I was fine for the most part. I followed Him. His faithfulness never waivered even though I was Much-Afraid.

For the last seven months, Abba has truly worked with me concerning that seed. I like Much-Afraid finally found the courage to step forward and bare my heart to my Shepherd and say, "Please plant the seed here in my heart." And you now what? It did hurt.

Today I looked at the Shepherd's face and remembered His words, "When the seed in your heart is ready to bloom, you will be loved in return." He is faithful and He will bring it to pass.

Fearless

PS: Then he pressed the thorn into her heart. It was true, just as he had said, it did cause a piercing pain, but it slipped in quickly and then, suddenly, a sweetness she had never felt or imagined before tingled through her. It was bittersweet, but the sweetness was the stronger. She thought of the Shepherd’s words, ‘It is so happy to love,’ and her pale, sallow cheeks suddenly glowed pink and her eyes shown. For a moment, Much-Afraid did not look afraid at all.” 
― Hannah Hurnard, Hinds' Feet on High Places

My Cardboard Box

I'm home from a long stay in Michigan taking care of my sick mother. I don't mind traveling. I have been doing a lot of that lately. Mostly because I had begun to hate my apartment building. It's starting to look rundown and unkept. Most of the older women have either moved or died. The new tenants are men, mostly veterans fro Vietnam. Don't get me wrong I love our soldiers and I appreciate what they did for us-I really do. I just don't like the way some of them flirt and a couple of them look scary. Scary as in, don't ride on the elevator alone with them or you may become a statistic.

I know the old adage "You can't judge a book by its cover," but I was warned about them and their behavior before I saw them. A few of my neighbors warned me not to be friendly and invite them to the bible study because they have been involved in some pretty unsavory and questionable behavior. I don't like gossip and I don't like having formed an opinion on someone based on something that someone else said, but I hate to be told not to invite someone to meet Jesus.

So even though they flirt with toothless grins and might be or not be involved in drugs, bringing prostitutes in the building and may even murder me in an elevator; I was friendly and invited them to the bible study. I realized that is why I'm in the building, and why I'm in Lexington. Although I felt as if I did the right thing, my heart wasn't right. I was scared and a more than a little discussed with living here.

So I lived away for awhile.

I lived at my mom's house, I visited my best friend since childhood Joy's house. I lived out of my suitcase a lot. I was comfortable sometimes and sometimes not. I had no time for me. I wrote with clatter and friction. I learned to obey others rules. I made myself useful and available. To be honest I'm just not used to that.

My apartment is home to me. When I returned I was so glad to see it in all of it's purple glory. It's neat and clean, and it's mine. My neighbors don't knock a lot anymore. I have peace and serenity. When I returned God reminded me of a promise I made to him fifteen years ago. I promised him that I would live in a cardboard box if He was with me. I let fear and subtle intimidation and dirty hallway carpet usurp my promise to Him. The apostle Paul said he's knows what it is to be in need and what it is to have plenty and he learned how to be content in all things. He said he can do all things through Christ who gives him strength.

Today I'm content in my cardboard box.

Fearless