Killing of Trayvon

These are my thoughts though I have limited knowledge of all facts:

I heard about the Trayvon Martin killing a week or two ago. My sister Karen was watching the news and I was in my bedroom writing. I asked Karen what upset her so that she would scream out, "Oh no, he killed their baby." I said who? She said a man in Florida. I didn't go investigate her claims, I just sort of stayed in my room absorbed in what I was doing.

A couple of days later I was watching the news and the story replayed itself. I wondered how anyone could become a self-imposed cop and kill another without any repercussion. Somewhere in my psyche, I had this emotional block. Today I listen to the 911 tapes. In the back ground you could ear the kid screaming and begging for help. That open the flood gates of my soul. I cried for hours. I cried for his parents who listened to the tapes, and have been inconsolable every since. It's being said that the hollering may have come from the self-proclaimed neighborhood watchmen who killed the boy. I doubt that. I, as a parent know my son's voice. I know when his voice when annoyed, worried, scared, or even petrified, that comes with the territory of being a parent. I'm sure they knew their son's voice when they heard it. I remember why I blocked my emotions.

When I was thirteen years old I had a cousin who was also thirteen. It's something about having cousins your exact age, that will breed something special. It might be the understanding or knowing the mind and heart of another your age. Even though he was a boy I loved him dearly. He was killed by police in Boston when we were only thirteen. He was five feet tall with a slight built. His murder was classified as a mistaken identity. He was vindicated from any wrong doing. That din't stop the pain or the amount of grieve my family suffered. The police was never charged or reprimanded in the case. I remember feeling that we're only kids, why would someone harm him? How do you justify murdering a child? And why is the fact that they're black make it controversial, or the fault of the victim? Do people not realize that we loved our children just like white people  love theirs?

I watched in horror when I went with  my Aunt Saundra to identify her youngest son in a hospital following an accident that claimed his life( a different cousin).  As soon as she saw him her knees bucked and she lost her balanced as the grieve absorbed her. That night I think she may have cried a million tears.  I thought I would faint from the pain, not only my own, but my aunt's as well. I don't think anyone can comprehend a mother's grieve at the lose of her child,  no matter what the color of the child's skin.

I heard Trayvon's screams for help on the 911 tapes, they were the terrified screams of a child. Many witness have come forward and told that the kid was asking for help. The self-proclaimed neighborhood watchmen called the police and said it was a suspicious looking guy walking the neighborhood(black male in a hoodie). Trayvon had went to the store at half-time of the all star games to buy his little brother candy. He was armed with a bag of skittles and a can of iced tea. By all accounts the watchmen George Zimmerman pursued the kid and overtook him, though he said he killed him in self-defense. I am so sad for the parents. Trayvon died a hundred feet from where he was staying. His young blood soaking the earth. Probably crying out to God like Abel's. I know God hates innocent blood shed. I pray for the family of Trayvon,that God grant them peace and forgiveness in this difficult time. I pray that Trayvon is vindicated and the truth comes out and that Mr Zimmerman has his day in court, and that his soul be saved.

The day my mother told me about my cousin(in Boston) I was eating Now and Later candy. As I cried the Now and later candy mixed with tears did not make my sorrow sweet, it made the taste of the candy bitter. I have not eaten Now and Later candy since that day. I wonder if the taste of skittles will do the same for Trayvon's little brother. Will has mother ever enjoy the brisk cold taste of ice tea? The police refuse to arrest Mr. Zimmerman, and he has went into hiding after numerous death threats. I just want justice for Trayvon. It's sad that in almost forty years justice is still blinded by color instead of being colorblind.

My heart hurt so bad today...

Fearless

I haven't stopped

My sister Gina asked me to pray for her job situation. She has been without gainful employment for several months. She applied for a job she really desired. She ran into several stumbling-blocks. She was feeling really uncertain and her faith was beginning to waver. So I prayed. My prayer did get long, but it was Holy Spirit lead. Some days my prayers are short and sweet and others days they're full of the fire. That was a fiery day.

She sent me a text the following day and let me know she got the job and she thanked me for the "powerful loooong prayer." I laughed at the way she wrote long. That night a mutual friend called me. She asked about Gina and I told her about the job situation and her text earlier that day.I told her that it had been awhile since my prayers were that spirit filled. My friend cut into me for my prayers being long. After that she went on to reprimand me for talking about Jesus too much. She said it was not real or the "real world." She told me that some people including herself sometimes, get upset because they don't hear from Jesus like I do. Boy, I didn't see that coming.

She went on to pray for me. She asked for wisdom in my prayer and she asked that I would not mention Jesus as much as I do, because he already know how much I love him. The prayer was full of her thoughts and attitude toward my prayers and conversations. She asked for me to have something else to talk about beside Jesus, to give me something real to talk about and help me not to turn people away from Jesus, like she did her husband.

It took me a minute to close my mouth and comprehend what had just happened. I felt as if someone just pour a bucket of pig blood on me, like Carrie on prom night. Before I knew it I started defending myself. I said I usually don't pray that long and I think about, write about and be about Jesus all day long. I told her that I spend hours on end listening to friends tell me about their latest boyfriends, interest, hobbies and whatever they want to talk about. I want to talk about Jesus and for me that's as real as it get. I said I don't beat people on the head with the bible and for me it's about relationship. I went on to say if people have such a problem with my conversations and prayers, why would they call me? My sister told me she appreciated me and the godly wisdom and prayer that I give her. I went on and on, for every perceived injury I had a defense. I guess I really could use that wisdom she prayed for. I need the wisdom to not defend myself.

It took me two days to realize that I was tested again with the not defending myself. Ha! I did a horrible job that time. When Abba tells you he want you to stop something, you will get tested until you get it right. My test have been going on for a year and I still defend myself. Self-righteousness and pride run deep! The next time I'm going to get it right. I wonder if Abba would mind, if I just say God bless you and hang-up the phone before I go any further...is that rude? I am going to get it right next time...I'm waiting the next time someone starts hurdling accusation, insults, or anything that puts me on the defense. I will NOT defend myself.
 Please pray for me.

Fearless

Grateful

Rev 2:10  Have no fear of the things which you will have to undergo: see, the Evil One will send some of you into prison, so that you may be put to the test; and you will have great trouble for ten days. Be true till death, and I will give you the crown of life. 

Rev 2:11  He who has ears, let him give ear to what the Spirit says to the churches. He who overcomes will not come under the power of the second death. 

I am thankful for so many things. Today I decided to be more conscious of my surroundings. There is beauty in  simple things. Today I noticed the first spring buds on the trees in the backyard. My first thought was of the new life. My second thought is  of  the brown dead leaves that will one day lay like dead soldiers on the dying grass. I completely dismissed the season of new life. These thoughts made me wonder how much of my life have I missed while focusing on death.

When my son was a child I spent his childhood waiting on him to grow older. When he was in his terrible-twos every morning he would get up before me and make a big mess. He was very inventive, some days he would climb up on a chair and turn on the washing machine. Or pour cereal all over the floor. He was funny and fun exploring the world around him with awe and wonder. The fact that I was the person responsible for keeping his antics to a minimal left me tired and haggard most days. I didn't enjoy my child like I should have. Now I miss that baby boy and all his crazy toddler stunts. He has grown to a good man and a great father. I still sometimes long to go back to those days and hug that baby that brought unconditional love and trust into my life. He was the first person that really needed me. I didn't know how to be in the moment and enjoy it. So many blessing have went unnoticed in my life.

The bible says to bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. I finally get it. I have been paying attention to my thought pattern. I have to rebuke much of what I think. I do have high thoughts that exalts themselves over the knowledge of God. Those high thoughts are fears. Fear of failure, fear of what others will think of me, fear of sounding like a nutjob. I guess anyone that really followed God sounded foolish to others. I'm sure it was not easy for Noah to build and Ark while the rest of the world were partying. What I have feared most lately has been the coming judgment of our wicked generation. 

My problem has been a lack of balance. I, like Noah have been shown the heart of God. How he grieve innocent blood shed and the degradation of our society. I watched in horror the way his name is blasphemed and people in ignorance shake their fist at him. I cried with God for his people. I cried at the way his love is rejected and thrown back at him as if it's a worthless thing. I have seen only the destruction coming to the world. I missed the life that comes to all that believe. Not only life but eternal life. God is showing me that I should keep my eyes on the prize, Christ Jesus. It's time to sound the alarm and stay focus on life and forget about death. Death has no victory! 

I'm always in awe at the simple way God answers my prayer. I have been praying, for the things he showed me. He knew that the mind of the flesh would see only death and decay. He also knew the revelation would make me seek him. In a simple spring bub he showed me my thought pattern is off. I love that he takes time and enjoy the simple things with me, even while showing me great truths. He's never exhausted or haggard waiting for me to grow-up. He takes time to enjoy me. I think he even thinks I'm fun and funny even though I'm messy most of the time. It that unconditional love and trust that he sees. I need him. I am so grateful for his tender care.

Fearless

Hearing His Voice

John 10:27  My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.

I am learning how to hear my Shepherd's voice. As long as I've been in Christ you would think it would be easy by now. I do hear from him, but not nearly as much as I would like to. Sometimes I hear it and don't heed it. Mostly because, I will second guess it or try to rationalize it with my own human reason. Which is always a mistake. I could probably avoid a lot of headaches if I listen and obey. However like any other discipline it takes practice and for me,  that always mean trial and error. I learned that it's not that he doesn't speak, it's the fact that I don't listen. I sometimes allow the clamor and distraction going on around me block out his voice.

The Lord is faithful even when we are hard-headed and full of what we think we know. He told me to repeat the scripture, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not unto your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path. I thought it's hard not to lean to my own understanding, but that's not the real problem. The real problem is I listen to the mind of the flesh, which is always with enmity with the voice of God. It's always a war going on between the spirit and the flesh. If a thought makes you comfortable and fit the wisdom of the world, 99.9% of the time it's the flesh. No, scratch the latter part of that last statement, 100% flesh. Who doesn't want to feel comfortable and in charge? Who wants to be misunderstood and called crazy?

Since God started showing me things in the spirit I have been looked at as a fanatic, unstable person that sees a demon in every situation. People I used to think I had a spiritual connection with stopped talking to me. Some of them refuse to return my calls. One well meaning family member went as far as to say, "our family has a history of mental illness, I think we all have a slight problem." She was willing to pretend she was talking about herself as well. I knew better, I had just told her about a certain situation that involved witches. These are not nonbelievers. These are people that read the bible, go to church and study the scriptures. I told her I'm not crazy anyone that don't heed the truth of the bible today is crazy. She was telling me the story of Paul casting out the spirit of divination in a woman following him around. I told her of a true and more recent story involving me, some witches and the holy spirit. I guess it's easier to believe Paul.

They, like I used to do ignore the fact that Jesus whole ministry was healing the sick, casting out demons and setting free all that are oppressed of the devil. Jesus even went as far as to say, these are the signs that follow those who believe, in my name they shall cast out devils, they shall speak with other tongues and pick up serpents and lay hands on the sick and they shall recover. God's people use to believe in the scriptures, now we have this water down doctrine of demons preaching that God no longer has power to endow his beloved with. And  hell, demons and devils are not real, only crazy religious fanatics believe they are real. On the other hand there are books and movies and the media continually glorifying the works of witchcraft, wizards, and satanic powers.

How long will God's people refuse to see the truth when it's staring them in the face? The wisdom of the world wants to distort the truth of God. They paint him as weak and powerless, ancient and old fashion. The wisdom of this world is the real foolishness. It's sad but it looks like the devils are very effective in their deceptions. I guess they have had a lot of practice. That's why it's so important that we learn to hear God's voice and obey. He knows what's before us, what's behind us, and what we fight against daily. I started a prayer journal. In it I write to Abba,  and I wait to hear his reply as I hear I write it down. It's like taking dictation from the Most High God. So many days his reply to me has left me crying, gave me direction and rebuked me, and encouraged me on in my path. It has been a blessing to me and I encourage anyone reading this to start a journal. Learn to listen, we are in the eleventh hour and we have to learn to trust the Lord with all of our hearts.

Fearless