It's been several years since I really celebrated Christmas. I didn't stop for religious reason. I mainly stopped because I'm alone now, my son has grown and no longer celebrate, most of my family live thousands of miles away. I'm not lonely or sad, I'm just not making a big deal.
Today however like Ebenezer Scrooge I was visited by the ghost of Christmas past. This is what I remembered, Yummy treats and tummy ache. Hot chocolate and gingerbread with whipped cream, oranges, tangerines, walnuts and pecans. Candy dishes full of colorful hard candies. There was cookies and chocolate cake, apple and sweet potato pies, ham with pineapple and cherries glaze, turkey and dressing, mashed potatoes with giblet gravy.
Our neighborhood was always lite with colorful lights and Mr Roger had a Santa and reindeer on his roof and a snow covered nativity scene on his lawn. Our silver tree with a light that changed colors as the light circled, from red to green, blue and yellow. The homemade snowflakes and school art Christmas projects placed lovingly on the tree.
I remember the felicity of the holiday spirit and love and laughter as my siblings and I try not to offend one another in fear of receiving the dreaded lump of coal. I remember the Christmas when I was five my Aunt Cheryl(she was only five years older then myself) calling me a fast ass. I was certain after her saying that about me on Christmas Eve, she would surely receive her measly gift of the dreaded lump of coal, and just to be sure, I immediately told on her. Reminding my grandma that Santa left only coal for children that say bad words..Boy was I ever surprised when I saw her bounty the next morning, I also felt cheated out of laughing at her. The ghost of Christmas past didn't remind of what I did to make her feel the need to call me that, whatever it was I apparently was to focused on Cheryl's indiscretion to remember mine. I still struggle with focusing on others sin while I turn a blind eye to mine. I have learned a new word for that now, Jesus called it hypocrite and said I should first remove the log out my own eye. It's impossible to see when you have a log in your eye.
I remember the smell of pine and spices in the air. I remember the new plastic smell of my dolls and the bright shine of their hair. I remember emerging one such doll in water because she could actually pee if fed water and trying to get her to pee by bottle feeding her was too much of a chore. I tossed her aside after her near drowning experience since her hair no longer shone, but stood straight up on top of her head with none on the back or sides.
I remember itchy balloon slips under my dress and tights that I had to pick lint balls off, and reciting a poem for our Christmas pageant, I remember one year being the angel bringing the good news of the birth of our savior. I remember gifts that I loved and gifts that were practical.
I remember Christmas carols and licking snow of my hand knitted mittens...but most of all I remember, family, fun and being loved.
Merry Christmas...I have to go call my mother and son.
Fearless
