Job 4:3-5World English Bible (WEB)
3 Behold, you have instructed many,
you have strengthened the weak hands.
4 Your words have supported him who was falling,
You have made firm the feeble knees.
5 But now it has come to you, and you faint.
It touches you, and you are troubled.
you have strengthened the weak hands.
4 Your words have supported him who was falling,
You have made firm the feeble knees.
5 But now it has come to you, and you faint.
It touches you, and you are troubled.
Six years ago I literally came back from the dead. I came back with two hundred thousand dollars worth of debt to the hospital. I could no longer afford my apartment, my car broke down before my out of town move. I sold it to my brother-in-law. My life was completely different. I woke to new life, but not to the one I wanted. I didn't know at the time that God was stripping me of everything that I put my trust in. He wanted all of me.
I found myself living among the least of these brothers and sister of mine that Jesus mentioned to in Matthew 25. At first, I tried to avoid them. He wasn't having that. He sent me to teach them his ways. I taught, I loved in the midst of anger,hatred and bitterness. I was cursed, persecuted, talked about, lied on and treated very badly. He was teaching me how to love when I wasn't loved in return. Sometimes I got it right, sometimes I got mad. I get it now.
God asked me to love someone lately. I know He asks us to love everyone. This time, it was direct and personal. Anytime my Abba gives me a direct command I know trouble is coming and I will be tested and trouble came exactly like He showed me. He sometimes shows me in advance what's going to happen. It happened just as He showed me. It troubled me. I got mad at Abba for requiring that from me. He told me off. I asked Him how am I suppose to love this person when they want nothing to do with me? They think I'm weird and unbalanced.
I discovered it's easier to love the ones that curse you than the one that's indifferent to you. I don't now why that is. I guess I invested more of myself to the indifferent one. I wanted to be loved too. A couple of weeks ago I Abba gave me the answer. When Abba gives you a lesson it's best to past the course on the first test. I never do. So it keeps coming back to me.
Last night I finally got it. Every lesson on love is painful and beautiful. With the indifferent you have to simply love and earnestly desire the best for them. I prayed with tears in my eyes for them and my heart meant it. I will not stand before Abba to give an account to how anyone treated me. He's not concerned with how much of myself I invested with no dividends. It will always be, how I loved. I have to keep my heart clear of any debris. My love is pure and undefiled. I can't allow trouble to allow me to faint. All my trust is in my God. I promised Him all of me.
The good news is that He's restoring all that I lost. Isn't it like Abba to bless you in the midst of trouble of your soul. I'm finally getting my credit back re-established, I have a wonderful new job, I'm also allowed to do what I love and will be paid nicely for it, my company should be up and running in the next few months, I'm meeting Lexington's most prestigious dignitaries and they are kind. And the best of all is Abba called me faithful. He finally got al of me. He always breaks us to remake us to the image of His Son. We really will go from glory to glory if we faint not, if we stand firm in the midst of trouble. Yes, my soul is troubled, but my Father is faithful.
Fearless
