The Freedom to Forgive

As I look back on my life, I reflect on the fact that I have been the victim of much slander and vicious accusations. People will say mean things about me for no apparent reason. Sometime I have sifted through it wondering if any of it is true, even when my heart knew otherwise. I guess the bad stuff is easier to believe. I spent many sleepless nights torn between the truth and lies. The lies cuts deep, but the truth cuts deeper. I remember one time in particular. I was accused of an sexual affair with a minister. We were both single and the best of friends. I had no sexual attraction to him at all, and I doubt if he had one for me. Our friendship came under atrocious attack in the church we both attended. There were vicious rumors and mostly my character was assassinated. That's the problem with sharing your past failures. People refuse to believe the power of God to change us. They create God in their image and make him small minded and deeply prejudice. I don't know that God. The one I know is extremely loving and forgiving.

During this character assassination of me, I became despondent and depressed. I never tried to hide my past failures, they have always been a source of reference to the goodness of God's amazing grace toward me. I cried a lot and refused to take phone calls from my friend. I, in my heart was saving him from the slander against him, stemming from his association to the likes of me. He was concerned for me and persistent. I was concerned for him and wanted to save his reputation, he on the other hand wanted to prove we had nothing to be ashamed of, but the backbiter and busybodies did. I didn't want to fight because I didn't know how to fight for me verbally. I had been verbally beat down my entire life. Starting with my siblings, my mother, my sons father  and many of my school friends. I used to pray to God for someone to love me. At the time I didn't recognize my friend as that someone. The Lord spoke to me during this time, he was so sweet and reassuring he said, "You're a blood washed daughter of the Most High God and everything else is a lie, and only what I say is Truth. Jesus is the way the Truth and the Light. I have found the way and in that way, I have found the freedom to forgive any and all that transgress against me. I forgave the ones that wounded me so severely and so did my friend.

My friend left the church soon afterward, he moved an hour away. Our friendship has never been the same, maybe it's distance and time. I have since moved hundreds of miles away. We still talk on the phone periodically. We never mention what happened in our small congregation. There is no need to dwell on forgiven things, we no longer nurse the hurt. We cover it with love. Love is so desperately needed in these perverse times we live in. I know longer pray for someone to love me, instead I pray for someone to love. This prayer has been answered in the most usual and challenging ways(drug addicted women, demon possessed children, etc I don't tell the half of it) yet with each challenged more grace to love is given. Love starts inside of each of us. When this life is over and we stand before the great judgment seat of Christ, I believe we will be judged on how well we loved.

Fearless