The Disturbing Rape Blog

Yesterday I, as I sometimes like to do- went blog browsing. I like to peer into others lives, mind, heart and thought. I sometimes even go on Facebook and look at new posted pictures of random strangers and their families. I laugh when I see a dogs with shiny ribbons around their necks cuddled up next to their new owners. Life is innocent and free, full of promises and small graces wrapped in ribbon laced dreams. Or so I would like to believe. Yesterday that wasn't the case.

I went into this blog of a woman that decided to remain anonymous, her blog was about many years and generations of incest in her family. She started the blog in 2007 and only posted three times. She stated her daughter had (without her help) just been instrumental in sending her abuser to prison. She spoke of the pain and regrets she felt at not protecting or helping her daughter, or having the courage to help herself. She was a prisoner of silence locked behind the walls of the guilt and shame of her own tortured past. I know that prison very well, every dirt stained wall, every bob-wired fence and demon guarded gate. I lived there for many years.

I was raped as a teenager by a cousin of a friend. I survived and overcame only by the grace of God, the blood of the lamb and the words of my testimony. Unlike the anonymous woman I told my story in a book (Sistahfaith) for the world to see. I bled on the pages and opened my infected wounds so that I could heal and to help others to heal. I did it to save my life and the life of rape victims everywhere. I believe God set me free from my prison to be a ray of light to lead others from that same prison; to offer hope and healing.

My heart went out to that anonymous woman and I searched for a way to talk to her a way to reach out to her and offer her a hand of friendship, love and understanding but as hard as I searched she remained anonymous, another faceless static. Then I found on her blog a beacon of light. She had posted a link to a blog which simply said "Incestblog." I thought it was a great that she found a community of support in whom to find understanding and help. I wanted to join and start a forum or discussion. However my experience is somewhat different. I'm not and incest survivor. So I decided to look for a rape blog. I'm an avid google user and think google knows everything ( I can't seem to hide anything from them). So I googled rapeblog. Nothing prepared me for what I found.

The very first thing I saw was in bold large black letters RAPE BLOG. It boasted of video of vicious rapes,"The Ultimate Rape and Forced Sex Portal · Sweetest Most Innocent Teens! BEST PORN FOR YOU," and that was the non x-rated description. I was mortified and appalled by the sick twisted site. How could someone make movies and videos of the demoralizing,degradation of another person, of innocent teens? What has our society succumb to? Where is the shame and conscious of the person or persons responsible for this trash? What happens to a society where women and children our reduced to objects to be viciously brutalized, used for the satisfactions of twisted lust and discarded and left a broken shell of their former selves?

I envisioned some guy in a dirty trash filled apartment with a small head and big serial killer glasses (like the ones worn by Jeffrey Dahmer) going to that blog, watching the videos and doing some disgusting self-gratification until the videos are no longer enough. I see more victimized and crushed souls. I am sickened to the core of my being. I'm trying my best to write this without throwing up. Lord have mercy...Have mercy.

Jesus asked me where I thought he was when I was brutally raped on a musty pee stained mattress sitting on the floor of a dark and dreary apartment. I told him I didn't want to know. We were getting along fine and I didn't want to be mad at him. He insisted and I resisted. Finally he broke through my resistance and told me. He said he was sitting on the edge of that mattress crying. The King of kings was there with me, hurt with me, entering into my suffering. After he told me that the scripture "Jesus Wept," took on a whole new meaning for me. I believe he not only wept for me but also for that young man that was so sin sick that he could commit such a vile act against me. He was probably a victim of pornography.

In a way we are all victims of an evil ploy to destroy us. That website is pure evil in all it's form and it must be stopped. For the sake of the children, the women, the lonely little headed guy in the big glasses, for you, for me, for our society, but mainly for Jesus.

Jesus Wept..

Fearless