A cactus blooms in the desert

Isa 35:1 The wilderness and the solitary place shall be glad for them; and the desert shall rejoice, and blossom as the rose.

I have been in a spiritual desert lately, lately meaning the last several months. When I'm in my spiritual drought I can see the look on righteous people faces when I mention the Lord. They look as if I have to be kidding, I couldn't possibly know him. I'm not deep or profound. My language is broken and I misquote or forget part of the scriptures. I feel unloved and abandoned by God. Like the desert cactus; I am lonely, deserted and unkempt. There is no sitting at Yeshua(Jesus) feet, no waking with the feeling of being encompassed in his love. Deserts are dry and lonely with only the vicious buzzards of doubt, uncertainty and self-awareness waiting to devour you.

I'm quiet and unresponsive to the people that have come to depend on me for spiritual advise. I have none. I have been ignoring their phone calls lately. My grandmother used to say "You can't get blood out of a turnip." And she was right. A turnip doesn't have blood. I'm not a turnip though, I'm more like the desert barrel cactus. I once read where the barrel cactus was once used for food by the native american. They would cook the bloom for food and chew on the pulp for moisture. Even in theses wilderness and desert times there is something life sustaining and nurturing hidden inside of you, but you must find it. You never know what you may have to give. There's always those small unexpected graces that spring unsolicited from the Throne of God.

Today I decided to return the calls I have avoided lately. I was hoping they could minister to me. First, I called my friend and sister Norma we recently got back in touch with one another. She has always been a great friend, good listener and a person that can make you laugh in the midst of encouraging you. After talking to her I felt ready to deal with the rest of the calls. I decided not to be "The one with the answers," but to be the one listening for the answer.

I once heard the desert places that God puts you in is a place of growth; when God shows you something about yourself. As I made my calls and listened( really listened with my heart) God showed up with those beautiful unexpected graces. I realized that I didn't need to have the scripture reference, the wise counsel, the answer or the ego boosting wisdom. The only thing ever required of me is to love. Love doesn't seek it's own, it doesn't have to. Love doesn't need to be deep or profound. All we need for love is each other, and in turning from my love ones I'm actually turning from love. Each person I spoke to today ministered sweet counsel to me. I realized that ego and pride will hide in your heart and disguised itself as a ministry.

I don't know all I have to learn in this desert. I do know that a cactus blooms in the desert.

Fearless