I AM

Psa 139:8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
Psa 139:9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
Psa 139:10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
Psa 139:11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.

I started a journal a few years back. I wrote and listened; then I wrote what I heard. Every answer I received ended with the phrase I am. It amazed me how everything could be explained in his I am. It's all in his vastness. Nothing is hidden from him, there is nowhere he can't find you. He'll follow you to the dope house, the abortion clinic,and on stage at a topless bar. There is nowhere you can go from his Spirit, nowhere you can flee from his presence. I tried for years to run from him. With reckless abandon I let go of his hand and ran until breathless and afraid I ran to him.

When I was 13 years old my twin cousins(also 13) and I used to spend the summer with our grandparents. Our fathers(known to the neighborhood police as the Hawthorne Boys) had finally made it out of prison. They decided that they needed to be fathers to us girls. They left small children and came home to teenagers. And like teenage girls with not much male guidance we looked for love in the eyes of some pimply face teenage boy. Our favorite spot to meet boys was a neighborhood McDonalds. As soon as we were out of sight of of our grandparents we would tie our tee-shirts up to expose our belly-buttons and smoke stolen cigarettes to appear older and more mature.

The only problem with our daily plan was our fathers. They refused to allow us the freedom we sought. Every day they would ride up to us in an big old blue Buick and demand that we get in the back seat, and for the rest of the day we would ride around with them completely miserable as they drank gin and lectured us on the evil of little boys. We tried everything to get away from them. We even cried when we heard the words get in the car and untie those shirts. We cried snot running tears for the first twenty minutes of the ride or until we realized our cries were falling unto death ears.

So, we started running from them. We were young and our eyesight's were keen so we would run in the opposite direction of any big blue Buick. We would jump fences, hide in bushes and run down rat infested alleyways only to be met by the big blue Buick at the end of our trail with the words "get in the car". They never once reprimanded us for our running, they just silently let us know we couldn't out-run or out-smart them. They were loving and protective in all of their sinfulness and brokenness. So much more will our Heavenly Father Spirit seek us out to protect us. We soon became known around the neighborhood as the Hawthorne Girls, the much loved and protected daughters of the infamous Boys of the same name. I am now known as a Blood washed Daughter of the Most High God. I learned early on you can't hide from love, it's fierce and protective and it doesn't mind stalking you.

That's how Abba's love is for all of his children; relentless but tender, it's always there at the other end of our insanity. You can't outrun his love; it is the great I AM.

Fearless