Monday, March 12, 2012

I haven't stopped

My sister Gina asked me to pray for her job situation. She has been without gainful employment for several months. She applied for a job she really desired. She ran into several stumbling-blocks. She was feeling really uncertain and her faith was beginning to waver. So I prayed. My prayer did get long, but it was Holy Spirit lead. Some days my prayers are short and sweet and others days they're full of the fire. That was a fiery day.

She sent me a text the following day and let me know she got the job and she thanked me for the "powerful loooong prayer." I laughed at the way she wrote long. That night a mutual friend called me. She asked about Gina and I told her about the job situation and her text earlier that day.I told her that it had been awhile since my prayers were that spirit filled. My friend cut into me for my prayers being long. After that she went on to reprimand me for talking about Jesus too much. She said it was not real or the "real world." She told me that some people including herself sometimes, get upset because they don't hear from Jesus like I do. Boy, I didn't see that coming.

She went on to pray for me. She asked for wisdom in my prayer and she asked that I would not mention Jesus as much as I do, because he already know how much I love him. The prayer was full of her thoughts and attitude toward my prayers and conversations. She asked for me to have something else to talk about beside Jesus, to give me something real to talk about and help me not to turn people away from Jesus, like she did her husband.

It took me a minute to close my mouth and comprehend what had just happened. I felt as if someone just pour a bucket of pig blood on me, like Carrie on prom night. Before I knew it I started defending myself. I said I usually don't pray that long and I think about, write about and be about Jesus all day long. I told her that I spend hours on end listening to friends tell me about their latest boyfriends, interest, hobbies and whatever they want to talk about. I want to talk about Jesus and for me that's as real as it get. I said I don't beat people on the head with the bible and for me it's about relationship. I went on to say if people have such a problem with my conversations and prayers, why would they call me? My sister told me she appreciated me and the godly wisdom and prayer that I give her. I went on and on, for every perceived injury I had a defense. I guess I really could use that wisdom she prayed for. I need the wisdom to not defend myself.

It took me two days to realize that I was tested again with the not defending myself. Ha! I did a horrible job that time. When Abba tells you he want you to stop something, you will get tested until you get it right. My test have been going on for a year and I still defend myself. Self-righteousness and pride run deep! The next time I'm going to get it right. I wonder if Abba would mind, if I just say God bless you and hang-up the phone before I go any further...is that rude? I am going to get it right next time...I'm waiting the next time someone starts hurdling accusation, insults, or anything that puts me on the defense. I will NOT defend myself.
 Please pray for me.

Fearless

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

:)♥