Fill up the Lack

Colossians 1:24

New King James Version (NKJV)

²⁴ I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His body, which is the church,

The council members had our emergency meeting today, the regular people didn't show up. We had members that haven't participated since I've been secretary. People that the nosy lady can control. It was an awful attack on me, subtle and vicious. Mostly by the nosy lady. She slipped up at the end by telling a big woman that is battling cancer, that she glad she didn't "beat anyone up at the meeting." I had prayed before the meeting so I held my dignity. One of the women she got to come to the meeting is a dear sweet lady that gave me a set of dishes when I first moved in, another comes to the bible study regularly, both were really late for the meeting and trying to appease her without offending me, the other (the big lady fighting cancer) she actually did the same, but said more then the others. I took notes, made a suggestion that we should have an annual cook-out on one of the summer holidays for the residents that don't have family. Ms. Nosy veto it with the most hateful look one can imagine. Still I held my peace. Before long the meeting was over.

I walked back to my apartment, a little hurt and kind of mad. I was mad at that last comment, "beat anyone up." Of course my flesh wanted to challenged her to try it, but I don't walk after the flesh, but I walk in the Spirit. I tried to make a phone call to talk about my accusers but my phone hung up, I want to say by accident, but I know who hung it up. I just said, okay, I'm bringing it to you. I prayed some more. Then I walked to the guys who told me about his sisters being raped at the orphanage. I had an overwhelming urge to go pray for him. He was drinking vodka and having real issues. He told me he was raped too. I have known that since the day Jesus told me about all the pee-stained mattresses he sit and cried on. The guy also told me he watched his mother murdered by a boyfriend for catching the guy molesting her eight year old daughter. My heart broke for him, I prayed with him and left. By the time I got back to my apartment I couldn't feel anger for any of them. All I could feel is the suffering I felt the day Jesus told me about their past. All I have in me is His love.

I think I finally understand what Paul is saying in Colossians 1:24 I understand the suffering, I know mine is small compared to Paul's and really small compared to Jesus's, but at the same time it's not small, because I feel His pain. It's intense and I feel it in the pit of my stomach. This is the actually the third time this pain has happened to me. Once, when I had to minster to a group of street women. His love and pain for them was so intense I spent the night crying in a fetal position. The next time it was after I wrote the story of being raped, he told me he's going to use that story to set many free. I spent three days in that fetal position. My friend Melodie visited me during that time. She told me it's a blessing, because I was "travailing." She said she wish she could feel it. At that point I wished the same thing, anybody but me. It didn't feel like a blessing at that time. The third was a couple of weeks ago concerning the people in the building. It's not easy to share in His suffering, but that's the only way we can reign with him.

I did go to nosy lady's apartment to give my resignation from the council. I just don't need the aggravation. Ms Nosy has the spirit of the mean girl or bully. I confronted it head-on. She cried and denied everything. I told her I was not angry, I'm just not for childish games. She went on to try to combat what I was saying by complimenting me, like the pharisees did Jesus. I wasn't having it, I called that demon for what it is. I asked if I could pray, all the time I was praying she was making petitions for Abba to tell me she was not guilty of what I said (she did), she screamed loud with tears, It was sad and awful. I hugged her and told her I love her, I really do. I didn't resign, only because Abba told me not to during the prayer. I did things Jesus's way. I had something against her so I went to her. She came up against God and lost. I know it wasn't me. I think I may have finally gotten it right, but not without a whole lot of help from the Holy Spirit. It's His work, I'm just a vessel, a big glob of clay being molded by the Potter. I do rejoice in my suffering it's what makes us beautiful.

I walked downstairs and yet another women from the bible study, whose not apart of the council came to me and asked how the meeting went. She has never asked me anything about the meetings or taken any interest in them. Apparently she had heard of the conspiracy against me. I told her it went well. Truly all is well.

Fearless