Hosea 2:14World English Bible (WEB)
14 “Therefore behold, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.
I'm in desperate need of a wilderness experience with God. I've done things he asked me not to do. Mostly out of frustration and impatience. I thought I was an extremely patient person. I can be, sometimes with people and their foolishness. However lately I have not been.
I have deliberately started stupid fights. I don't know how to be in a real relationship. It's still easier for me to run. I haven't retired my running shoes yet. Now I'm emotionally eating pumpkin bread smothered in butter. I know I should apologize, but isn't that saying, I'm wrong? God told me many years ago to give up my right to be right.
I desperately cling to it though I have no peace. I beg God for forgiveness and at the same time enlist the aid of my sisters and friends to validate my reasoning. I know I wronged someone I love dearly, yet I'm too embarrassed and ashame to admit it to him. God showed me in a dream a week or two before I showed off, that I was going to do it. I was going to say hurtful things. I did it anyway. Before and after the dream.
I know what Paul means now when he said, Oh wretched man that I am. In my case women. When I asked for forgiveness from God He told me to ask him to forgive me. It's been three days and I still haven't. I feel like I just need to be alone with God in the wilderness. The person had said some hurtful things to me in the past and I won't let it go.
Not being able to forgive is an awful sin that steals your peace. Even when I think I forgave I look for stupid reason to pounce like a lioness. I'm ashamed of myself and scared. Lord have mercy on me and give me the grace to forgive with my heart and not my head.
Floating out of control...
Fearless
I have deliberately started stupid fights. I don't know how to be in a real relationship. It's still easier for me to run. I haven't retired my running shoes yet. Now I'm emotionally eating pumpkin bread smothered in butter. I know I should apologize, but isn't that saying, I'm wrong? God told me many years ago to give up my right to be right.
I desperately cling to it though I have no peace. I beg God for forgiveness and at the same time enlist the aid of my sisters and friends to validate my reasoning. I know I wronged someone I love dearly, yet I'm too embarrassed and ashame to admit it to him. God showed me in a dream a week or two before I showed off, that I was going to do it. I was going to say hurtful things. I did it anyway. Before and after the dream.
I know what Paul means now when he said, Oh wretched man that I am. In my case women. When I asked for forgiveness from God He told me to ask him to forgive me. It's been three days and I still haven't. I feel like I just need to be alone with God in the wilderness. The person had said some hurtful things to me in the past and I won't let it go.
Not being able to forgive is an awful sin that steals your peace. Even when I think I forgave I look for stupid reason to pounce like a lioness. I'm ashamed of myself and scared. Lord have mercy on me and give me the grace to forgive with my heart and not my head.
Floating out of control...
Fearless
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