The Restaurant

The Restaurant opened yesterday. To my surprise I was asked to help for a few days; since the young cashier did not show up for her first day of work. My first day and first time using a cash register went quite well. I was not the older extremely slow woman on the cash register. I am the older woman that looks as if she know whats she's doing, but of course I don't have a clue. My only saving grace is the fact that I prayed before I started which is always my saving grace.

I took orders, bagged food,answered the phone, smiled gracefully and even busted a few tables. I made a three dollar tip(from my brother in law's brother). I actually had a good time and met many nice people.

I like the ideal of having a ministry of helps. I can be a do anything, help everybody person. Just a few months ago my sister Jill told our friends in Florida that I have always been selfish. A couple of them said it to me. I remember how sad I felt that Jill would say that about me and they would say it to me. I cried and searched my heart. I asked myself have I truly been selfish? And if it's true, then why?

I want to be known as an honorable woman that loves God. I asked them what did I do to be considered so selfish. I don't want to do that again. I wanted to pray and repent and asked for forgiveness to everyone I have hurt, or overlooked. The answer was that I am always talking about love and wanting everyone to love me. I guess I can see if I'm always looking to be loved that could actually be a problem. People that want to be loved can be clingy and needy, and are even willing to compromise. So I asked if that the problem. Jill finally answered, she said that I have always been the favorite of my mother and father. That I got all the attention.

In a way I guess what she said is true. As a child I did demand a lot of attention. I was a quiet, withdrawn third child of nine. Most days I felt just as invisible as Jill apparently felt. Jill got her attention by doing things that got her in trouble; I got mine by trying to be perfect. I made the honor roll every semester, I spent way too much time working on being perfect. I took the family responsibility on my tiny shoulders. I thought if I was perfect and worked to make my siblings and parents perfect that we would be acceptable and accepted,that no one would continue to address us as, "All of Trisha's kids and her dopefiend husband." I did want to be loved but love was hard to obtain when you're little and unimportant and from a family that's socially rejected.

It was not until I met Yeshua (Jesus) That I felt as if I belonged. He knows my pain and understood. He was despised and rejected of men. A man of sorrow and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him, he was despised and we esteemed him not. I am in good company!

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