Great is his faithfulness

Lam 3:22 It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
Lam 3:23 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

His mercies are new every morning. I remember when I first heard this scripture. I was still struggling to make sense of my husband bleeding to death in my arms. I was angry and confused. I remember praying that he would be okay; only to listen to him draw his last breath. I spent many sleepless night replaying that incident. I wanted it to have a different outcome, another ending. I wanted the nightmare to end. My stomach felt weak and heavy. I could not stop my mind from rehearsing the scene over and over. My heart was breaking in a million small pieces. Even in my altered mental state I know I needed Yeshua(Jesus)help.

I went one morning with a heavy heart to the small storefront congregation I started my walk with Yeshua. My eyes were swollen and blood shot from crying and lack of sleep. I'm still in shock several weeks later. The heaviness refuses to leave my belly. Heartbreak is the most intense pain you can ever feel; it goes from your heart to your belly and lay there, heavy and relentless. There is no relieve from heartache. I tried everything, tears, screaming, drugs and quiet insanity, nothing dulled the pain.

I got up for prayer. I didn't ask for any certain prayer to be prayed for me. The pastor told me to start praising God. It's hard to find a praise when you're covered in a blanket of darkness, but I started praising with all I had. It was like I was the only person in the room. I started praising God with all I had. I praised him with all my heaviness, I praised him with all the darkness, I praised him with all my heartache, I praised him with all my pain. I praised him with my screams, I praised him with my tears. I hit my knees and gave him all of my faults and failures.

I don't know if if scriptural to give your sad little heart to God or not. I like to believe it is. I know after that night the heaviness lifted was gone the pain was more bearable. I slept that night for the first time in weeks. I read that scripture shortly after that.

I often think about that morning, his tender mercies wrapping me like a warm blanket, his faithfulness covering me, his heart breaking for me. His love never fails in in your greatest trials.

Fearless