Romans 12:2
New King James Version (NKJV)
2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
I've spent way too many years trying to fit everyone opinion of me or what is right for me. I never lived up to anyone's expectation. Although, I did manage to hide my true self. I just wasn't acceptable or so I thought. I remember once, this woman that was in a congregation I attended said, that I dress and walk into the sanctuary as if I'm announcing, "It's me!" Those words jacked me up for weeks. I tried to dress in a way that I thought would please her for the next several weeks. I started walking into the sanctuary as if ashamed to do so. Before she said that I wore clothes that reflected my mood, bright and cheerful. It's not as if I dressed like the town hooker, I was always decent and covered. One day I was talking to my sister Claudia on the phone as I was looking for dark and sober clothes to wear to church. One outfit I vetoed out loud to Claudia because, I didn't think the woman would like it. Claudia asked me why would I care what she thought.I told her about what the woman said to me, Claudia said, "Boy, she really jacked you up, she's probably just jealous."
Claudia's words were a wake-up call for me. I had walked away for a very legalistic church. We all wore the long dark dresses and self-righteous scowls. Sack cloth and ashes would have probably been more appealing. When I walked away from the hypocrisy of those years, it was with determination to be who God created me to be. I had conformed but, not more like the image of my Father. I resembled the pharisees on the outside, but on the inside my heart was screaming for my Father to save me. I had finally been accepted by the woman in that congregation, but it came with a great price. After awhile I couldn't pay it any more. That's when I took everything to Abba. My insecurities, hypocrisy, the obsessive need to be loved. He simply said, "Your problem is that you don't know who you are, follow me."
Ten years later, I realize that was exactly what the problem was. I have lived in several different states in those ten years. I have had the privileged to minister to very wealthy people, the homeless, prostitutes, and now the elderly and disabled. Each experience has been a blessing in itself. It doesn't matter to me who, like my Father I'm not respecter of the person. Although I secretly(or not so secretly) prefer the homeless and handicap. In my experience they've been nicer. Not all but most.
Feeling unacceptable or less than was a stronghold, planted by the enemy of my soul as a child, when my sibling and schoolmates made fun of me. A stronghold is, a faulty way of thinking based on lies. I turned into a people-pleaser. You can't please God and people because, you'll compromise if you want to make people happy. Somewhere in the last ten years of following Jesus, my thinking changed. My confidence is in my God and Savior, and I truly am fully persuaded that He is who He says He is. I have come to realize that Christ in me is my hope of glory. He's in me, that alone makes me acceptable. The fact that he knitted me together in my mothers womb and He knew all about me before I made it to this part of my journey is a plus, but not my hope. This knowledge helped me to realize I don't have to fit in anyone neat little package. God rejoices in my uniqueness. I'm created for his work, he's the master craftsman. I refuse to allow people to mold me into their image.
The enemy has no new tricks, he thought that if someone came and tore apart everything I said/did in the bible study, I would break. Greater is he that is in me then he that is in the world. I love Jesus so much, and nothing can separate me from his love. It takes more love and courage to tell people the hard truth that Abba tells me to say then to lie and flatter.
Fearless
Romans 12:2
New King James Version (NKJV)
2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Claudia's words were a wake-up call for me. I had walked away for a very legalistic church. We all wore the long dark dresses and self-righteous scowls. Sack cloth and ashes would have probably been more appealing. When I walked away from the hypocrisy of those years, it was with determination to be who God created me to be. I had conformed but, not more like the image of my Father. I resembled the pharisees on the outside, but on the inside my heart was screaming for my Father to save me. I had finally been accepted by the woman in that congregation, but it came with a great price. After awhile I couldn't pay it any more. That's when I took everything to Abba. My insecurities, hypocrisy, the obsessive need to be loved. He simply said, "Your problem is that you don't know who you are, follow me."
Ten years later, I realize that was exactly what the problem was. I have lived in several different states in those ten years. I have had the privileged to minister to very wealthy people, the homeless, prostitutes, and now the elderly and disabled. Each experience has been a blessing in itself. It doesn't matter to me who, like my Father I'm not respecter of the person. Although I secretly(or not so secretly) prefer the homeless and handicap. In my experience they've been nicer. Not all but most.
Feeling unacceptable or less than was a stronghold, planted by the enemy of my soul as a child, when my sibling and schoolmates made fun of me. A stronghold is, a faulty way of thinking based on lies. I turned into a people-pleaser. You can't please God and people because, you'll compromise if you want to make people happy. Somewhere in the last ten years of following Jesus, my thinking changed. My confidence is in my God and Savior, and I truly am fully persuaded that He is who He says He is. I have come to realize that Christ in me is my hope of glory. He's in me, that alone makes me acceptable. The fact that he knitted me together in my mothers womb and He knew all about me before I made it to this part of my journey is a plus, but not my hope. This knowledge helped me to realize I don't have to fit in anyone neat little package. God rejoices in my uniqueness. I'm created for his work, he's the master craftsman. I refuse to allow people to mold me into their image.
The enemy has no new tricks, he thought that if someone came and tore apart everything I said/did in the bible study, I would break. Greater is he that is in me then he that is in the world. I love Jesus so much, and nothing can separate me from his love. It takes more love and courage to tell people the hard truth that Abba tells me to say then to lie and flatter.
Fearless
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:)
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