Darkness

I sit in a corner of my back room in complete silence, except for the sound of thunder outside of my windows. Even the monkey chatter that usually goes on in my head is strangely silent. You know the kind, the conversations you have in your head, some you may have had previously, and they rekindle themself a week later with you being the victor(this time!). And it's dark...

With this silence there is a restlessness and darkness, I don't know where it comes from or how long it will stay. It comes without forewarning and it departs just as quickly.

I watch as he hovers over my head, dark and brooding. "What do you want? I ask, He laughs in his deep sinister baretone voice and said "your joy and laughter of course". "Is she with you?" I ask, knowing the answer.

They always travel together, and like Bonnie and Clyde they're a vicious team. "Would you like a cool drink or something to eat", I ask; trying to divert their attention as I hide the vial containing my most precious treasure. She noticed my pathetic attempt at deception and they pounce on me; with a volley of physical and verbal assaults." You're stupid, ugly, and no one loves you", she says as she digs her claws into the flesh of my clenched fists. "Where is your King?", he asks as he reigns brutal blows to my head, I feel white hot searing pain...Then total darkness.

I wake still clutching my vial, the pain of their assault visable in the bloody, battered mess that was once hopefully optimistic. I cling desperately to my vial, as I stumble into the restless, dark trap they have set before me. I search for light, in this pool of darkness. "Where is it?" I wonder as I grapple in the darkness for my Bible, I chastise myself for my lack of consistency and discipline.

They follow, taunting, laughing, hitting, kicking and insulting. I search the regions of my mind to no avail. My mind cannot comprehend the things of the spirit. I remember! it's my heart! My heart screams his name, as I look out the window toward the hills; I see a flicker of light, is it lightning? I wondered in my battered haze.

No, it not lightning; but Him, clothed in all His Glory and Majesty, I get oddly brave as I watched our enemies flee in terror at the roar of my Lion, The Lion Of Judah. "What took you so long?", I ask in a weakened voice, still reeling from the beating I sustained. "Come on let's go get them!", I say as I march toward the now departed pair; I marvel at the newfound bravado, where moments before I cowered in the corner with fear and trembling. He didn't move, he just looked at me with questioning, soft brown, compassionate eyes.

"Buttercup, what did you do?", he questions. "Nothing!", I say looking around at the broken, bloody. and tattered mess. " It was them, Depression and Loneliness that made this mess, they hit me, kicked me, tried to steal my vial and called me a whore". "Come on let's go", I repeat.

He rephrased his question, "Did you let them in?" And at that moment I finally remember my key. I franticly searched for my key. "It was in my hand when they knocked on the door"! I say . Then I noticed it glistering in a puddle of blood, my blood mixed with the blood of the Lamb. "Oh no, did I let them in?" I wonder as I retrieve my key. The key with the inscription "Love and Trust". He searches the eyes of my heart for the truth.

I answered," I forgot the part of the key that said trust", as I hang my head in shame and remorse. "These are hard lesson dear one, but you must learn them", he says as he tenderly reaches under my chin and holds my head upright and tends to my wounds. "You can only love me as much as you can trust me; love and trust is the key that will lock them out, and the lack there of, will let them in. Never entertain them, not even for a moment", he said, as he soothed his healing balm over the last of my wounds. "I gave you the key, you must use it". "Thank you Jesus", I whisper in a sleep induced wimper, as he kisses my forehead and says, "Rest precious".

And I rest.

Fearless